If I Had a Hammer (Toe)…
What’s more disturbing than the brainwashing that Katie Holmes seems to have undergone in the name of love, Tom and Scientology? More even than the nasty cold sores around her mouth that she doesn’t always bother to cover with concealer?
Try her feet.
The girl needs help. (Does Scientology have a “technology” to cure bunions and hammer toes?) Ever since I saw some cruel — yet funny! — item in one of the tabs about the state of her feet, I’ve been obsessed with studying the lowest quadrant of every photo of her. Even from a distance you can see the contorted toes, seemingly frozen mid-death-grip onto some supportless heels, and what look like sixth toes jutting out of her insteps. Free Katie? Imprison those feet!
Now, I am hardly one to talk about podiatry — yes, reader, I know bunions — and so I would like very much to take something positive out of Katie’s foot faults. For one thing, no matter how much my high-heeled Chanel mules threaten to slip off in the middle of the street, I shall no longer grip onto them with my toes. I shall wear more close-toed shoes and heels with ankle straps. I shall stop buying shoes that don’t quite fit, no matter how pretty or what a bargain they are.
Who am I kidding? No, I won’t.
My mother long ago taught me that you sometimes have to suffer for beauty. But had she seen Katie’s feet, maybe she would have given me altogether different advice: Go North, young girl, where covered-up boots are de rigeur and strappy sandals are never in season.
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June 18th, 2005 18:43
this just might be the devil in me, but after reading this entry and checking out the links of katie holmes’ feet, my feet are the happiest - uhm, well, feet - alive! *prances around on my toes fred flintstone style*
mwahahaha!
at last, someone else’s feet are uglier than mine! i was born with the unfortunate fashion deformity of having one foot two sizes larger than the other and i have always found them to be a bane to my existence. (you can imagine the shoe shopping limitations this poses on me.) after having read this entry, i can now rest assured that although my feet are uneven, at least, they don’t look like they belong in the zoo.
btw - love those monolos, just positively screams “oh-no-no” - foot candy!
June 21st, 2005 20:57
Mariaclara, your secret is safe with me. There is nothing better than celebrity Schadenfreude!