Thursday: gold snakeskin Gucci thongs

Yes! Love at first sight
Manolo snakeskin slingbacks
Last pair in my size

No! Walk away now
Landlord knocks on door for rent
More tears than credit

But who needs shelter?
Running, flying back to Saks
Adrenaline rush

Doors about to close
Box set aside, tissue wrapped
Salesman knew I would

Credit card burning
Hole in pocket, hole in heart
Cash register hums

Moment of weakness
Knees shaking like autumn leaves
Such hot little hands

Sold! Take me home now
Never again ’til next time
Slingback number twelve

Tuesday: black Louboutin heels

It’s heeeere: the first round of markdowns at Saks, Barneys, Neiman’s and Bergdorf’s, just in time for the pre-summer heat wave after a very cold and wet spring. And just in time for me to rue buying all those spring items early in the season and barely having the chance to wear them once before they went on sale. But this is no time to cry over past charges — we’ve got some shopping to do!

Lest I get too carried away in the sea of red lines and green dots on the price tags (uh… maybe too late), I had to put together a shopping list organized by (1) how much I need it, (2) how badly I want it, (3) what a good deal it is, (4) — oh screw it, we all know it’s all organized by (2).

Without further ado, my Check — er, Wish — List:

Giuseppe Zanotti sandals: So very Scheherazade.

Teal Tracy Reese dress: ‘Cause I need something to go with those sandals.

Nancy Gonzalez bag: Too ladies-who-lunch? Saw it in orange croc, which would totally go with my Prada wedges. On second thought, definitely too matchy-matchy.

Gucci embroidered canvas bag: Okay, maybe this one then.

Roberto Cavalli halter top: See, I’d actually save money on the jewelry I wouldn’t need to buy.

Tory TRB skirt: Grrr… bought this at full price at the Tory boutique. But could always use another color.

Jimmy Choo crystal heels: Because we all need to embrace our inner Mariah sometimes.

Delman python wedges: Yes, I do need another pair of wedges!

Red Valentino gown: But first I need to grow about six inches.

Christian Louboutin heels: Okay, so it’s not on sale… but think of how much money I’ve already saved!

Sunday: green and white Prada skimmers

How did fashion fiends survive before eBay?

Think about the genius of it: Not only can you find the hottest, sold-out-before-you-even-thought-to-look-for-it items of the season — she with the highest credit card limit wins — but you can also liquidate all your shopping mistakes to pay for it. After all, as in romance, there is someone for every cropped tweed jacket from last summer. And that someone surely is trawling eBay.

Unfortunately, in reality, most shopaholic eBayers like me have a buy-sell ratio of about 3 to 1. Not exactly the stuff of balanced budgets, and yet… just the feeling that you’ve done something positive for the balance sheet counts for something.

Pray tell, how could I ever pass up bidding on that Gwen Stefani-designed leopard-print LeSportsac concert bag, even though it’s too small to even carry my wallet? It’s rare! It’s NWT (New With Tags)! It’s No Longer In Stores! Never to Be Produced Again! Good heavens, it’s a Collector’s Item!

Lord knows I’ve used those very words to sell my nosebleed-high Dolce & Gabbana heels, the ones with the wispy butterflies on them from the seminal Spring-Summer ‘98 collection (I still feel a wee bit of seller’s remorse on that one, but I really wanted to buy this beautiful coral colored Marc Jacobs bag…), as well as that red and gold Fendi baguette bag that we all know (see June 1 post) was very, very Gently Worn.

So what goes around comes around. It’s all good karma, really. I’m indebted to eBay (not to mention my credit cards) for that beautiful black cashmere Lainey dress that I’ve never ever seen in any store. And I’m fairly certain I’ve enhanced other fashionistas’ lives with my offerings. And let’s not forget to give all praise to that gift from the gods of instant gratification: Ladies, go forth and Buy It Now!

Friday: Prada croc and snakeskin peep-toe pumps

As I described in glorious detail my Memorial Day weekend’s haul to one of my shopping buddies (a.k.a. Ms. Accomplice), she marveled over my ability to find the needle in the haystack: the only wearable piece in the Dries van Noten collection, the last size 6 of this season’s Louboutin espadrille (in April, so late in the game, no less!), the Prada in a sea of puce polyester… Oh wait, that could be Prada too. Hence her admiration for my skilled eye! It was an uncanny gift, she said.

In fact, I realized, it was more than that. It was like a superhero power.

And that got me thinking. If there existed an X-Men in the fashionista world, I mused, I wouldn’t be Storm — though as portrayed by Halle Berry, she was a hottie in spite of the prematurely white hair, freaky eyes and propensity for tight leather jumpsuits. Instead, I would be Magneto: I have this irresistible magnetic pull that brings the best buys right to my fingertips. It’s a great power indeed.

But not to worry. Unlike the other Magneto, I use my power for good, not for evil. Or at least it’s only evil to my bank account.

Wednesday: tan Louboutin mules

As any power shopper knows, buyer’s remorse works both ways: It can manifest itself as the quiet desperation over a lost opportunity, or, alternately, the cold-sweats-and-shakes agony of the sticker shock once the credit card bill comes. It’s about both the things that you didn’t buy (like two ships that passed in the night…) and the stuff you wish you had never laid eyes on and carried over to the cash register.
Here are my best/worst stories.

1. When I was about 14 and still living in Texas, I went shopping with my big sister and agonized over whether to buy this Esprit white cotton shirt with fancy flower buttons. My sister, who has always been and still is my most powerful enabler, told me I should just get it if I liked it. After all, she pointed out, you can never have too many white shirts. Or black shoes. Or diamonds. (Our mother taught us well.) But I wavered, and I walked away. Of course, the minute I got home I wanted it — bad. And I was never able to find it again. For weeks (okay, full disclosure: years) I had dreams about that shirt… those buttons… I still pine for it sometimes. I may well have spent the past two decades overcompensating for that loss.
2. When I first moved to New York after college, I used to get up even before the garbage truck made its rounds, to go to the Barneys warehouse sale on the first day. Rain or shine, I’d be one of the diehards in line before the doors opened. The first sale, I bought pea-green linen blend sweater, just because it was marked down 75% to, oh, I don’t know, $400? It’s probably still hanging, tags on, in my closet somewhere.
3. I bought a red-and-gold velvet dévorée Fendi baguette bag back in the day, instead of the yellow snakeskin one that I might have actually carried and not looked like Eddy from Ab Fab. That was also the time I learned about that whole no-returns thing in Italian boutiques.
4. Far too early in the season — before I sussed out all the available merch — I used my Barneys Free Stuff giftcard on a pink and green floral print (what was I thinking, right?) Diane von Furstenberg dress I was going to wear to a summer wedding in England last year. Never went, never wore it anywhere else either.
5. Why, oh why, didn’t I buy that fur-lined raincoat at the Prada outlet in Tuscany? Whhhhhyyyyyy???? (Answer: I was way over my customs limit, and I really had no room left in my suitcase. But the real reason was that I was a fool.)