The Mother of All Purges
This weekend I got some tough love. My mom was visiting, and we did all that mother-daughter stuff like cooking and eating and chatting — oh, and cleaning out my apartment.
And that’s when she laid down the law. First, I had to admit that I was a pack rat, and fight the urge to keep 99.9% of my stuff. (Though, I have to say, sometimes when she forced — oh, sorry, “encouraged” — me to throw something out, I’d ask her if she wanted it and that ever-so-slightly-too-long pause before saying no revealed to me that she too had a tendency toward pack-ratdom. Ah, genetics: I learned it from you, Mom! I learned it from you!)
I wasn’t leaving my apartment till all those shopping bags filled with stuff, just sitting there against the far wall of my bedroom, were gone — whether I chucked all the contents or found new places to store them, it had to be done. (Do I even need to say which option my mom preferred?)
At one point, probably after she discovered that I had not one, or two, or five, but nine winter hats — or maybe when she found that my sweaters alone filled two-thirds of my armoire — she decided that she needed to invoke her Five Commandments, which she wrote down on a notepad and left on my nightstand, as if I should incorporate a reading of them into my daily ablutions.
Mom’s Commandments:
$$ needs to go to housing foundation!!! [That would be a down payment for an apartment, which as we’ve discussed here, is a lost cause. Funny how my mom makes it sound like a charity!]
I’m still shaking in my boots (apparently the last ones I’m gonna have, ever). I’m one day sober — and oh my god, the minute the loot I ordered last week arrives, I’m probably not only going to fall of the wagon, but also get dragged half-way to Bergdorf’s by it.
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October 17th, 2005 22:58
See I look forward to the day when I too will have an overstuffed closet that forces me to get rid of stuff. But if you ever want to donate to charity I can provide you with the name of a poor fashionista who would give all clothing the love it so rightly deserves
October 17th, 2005 23:50
Poor fashionistas are always a worthwhile charity.
A rather telling postscript: My mom had to borrow a suitcase from me when she left New York City because she’d taken so many of my castoffs! Guess she gets away with it because she has better closet space than I do. 
October 18th, 2005 03:58
Only 1 handbag purse until December ‘06! (’06 is that a typo?) I’ve decided to put myself on a commandment list when it comes to shopping. But mine is no new handbags for a month. I tried it once and it didn’t work (3 handbag purchases last week), but I mean it this time!
October 18th, 2005 12:16
Only 9 winter hats? Have you been to see Mr. Bunn in Harlem, 135th and Adam Clayton Powell? He makes them to measure in the back of his shop. Since he hasn’t been discovered yet, he’s charging 1/2 to 1/3 of what a comparable Javits or Louise Green would go for. He’s Jamaican, and tends to make a more spectacular hat by altering the silhouette rather than just piling on flowers, which works better for those of us under 60.
October 18th, 2005 22:57
No, that wasn’t a typo!! She actually thought I could live with just one new purse over three whole seasons. My mom is one cruel mama.
October 18th, 2005 23:10
I seem to remember that someone once told me to beware of women who had too many teddy bears. I suppose you’re bear free, but I wonder if this applies to other animals — even mythical ones. (If the last part of that sentence is true, I dare not check the closets of the childhood homes of any women I know…unicorns aplenty, I am sure!)
October 19th, 2005 21:34
Wow! Only one bag purchase for 14 months.
I can’t even fathom how one would do that.
Best of luck!
October 20th, 2005 00:25
Did I mention that I think I’m going to fail miserably on this new belt-tightening (well, do I even get to buy a belt?)? Good thing my mom didn’t have time to look at my shoe closet because that would most definitely have been Commandment Number One. And I would’ve already broken it; I got these great Valentino slingbacks at Saks today!!
October 20th, 2005 16:58
You’re so naughty!
What Momma don’t know won’t hurt her!
I don’t know why I’m quoting a lousy Adam Sandler movie, but you can do it!
November 4th, 2005 09:27
[…] el Celine bag I’m toting around right now is merely for autumn/pre-winter, and since my mom is only allowing one bag for the next 13 months, I gotta choose carefully — but I’ve alr […]